There are so many things in college that feel like a whole new world, this includes dating. If you’re anything like me you might have grown up watching movies like Drumline, Love & Basketball, and Stomp the Yard and dreamed of having your own HBCU love story. Under no supervision of your parents, you get to play house with your boo in your dorm, have sleepovers on that tiny twin XL mattress, and take late-night walks around campus just talking about life. I mean it all sounds so romantic, doesn’t it? But truth be told, college dating is a little more glamorous in movies than it is in real life.
Luckily this article can serve as a guide for the various ups and downs of dating in college. We asked several HBCU alumni for advice and this is what they have to say. Here are ten gems from HBCU Alumni on College Dating!
Put Your School Work First
There are so many things to balance in college, social life, organizations, and of course relationships. While it can be easy to get swept away in the excitement of a new romance, securing your degree comes first. Don’t let a potential partner distract you from your goals and education, that’s why you’re in college.
Balancing relationships and schoolwork can be tricky but pay attention to whether your partner is encouraging you to go to class or telling you to skip it. It’s important to find someone who pushes you to be your best self and shares the same values as you. Don’t let someone you can’t grow with drag you down.
Be Open-Minded
You might have had a “type” in high school but in college, it’s time to broaden your horizons. There are people from all walks of life on a college campus and if you just stick to your typical type you may miss out on a great relationship.
College is all about meeting new people and getting out of your comfort zone. So, take a chance and say yes to a date with someone you normally wouldn’t consider, you may have more in common than you think. Hey, even if it doesn’t work out at least you tried something new and now you have a funny date story to tell your friends about.
Don’t Rush into a Relationship, Have Fun!
Don’t make the mistake of making your college journey all about someone else. This is a unique experience that goes by faster than you think, when you look back at it do you want to remember stressing about a relationship or having fun with your friends?
There’ll be several opportunities to meet someone so there’s no need to rush into a relationship as soon as you get on campus. You’ve got to give yourself space to focus on your needs before you make someone else a priority. Take time to find yourself and discover what you want from this time of your life before jumping into a relationship.
Don’t Overplay Your Role
Hookup culture is very common in college, so before you start planning your future with the first person you kiss keep that in mind. Keep open clear communication with your partner to avoid any confusion about the status of your relationship. One of the worst things you can do while dating in college is to play the boyfriend/girlfriend role to someone who isn’t feeling you that way. If your energy isn’t being reciprocated, take a step back and act accordingly.
Wrap it Up!
Like we said before, hookup culture is very common in college, so if you’re going to be hooking up make sure you’re wrapping it up. Protect yourself, and wear a condom. Practicing safe sex is so important, especially in college. Most campus health centers offer free condoms and will help with directing you where to get more extensive forms of birth control. Also, be upfront with your partner about any STDs you might have. Don’t be afraid to ask them about their sexual history and sexual health as well, it may make things a little uncomfortable but it’s better to be safe than sorry and the right person will understand.
Stay True to Yourself
Remaining true to yourself and your values is key to successfully dating in college. You might feel pressured to change yourself or do things you’re not comfortable with, but you shouldn’t lose sight of who you are in order to make your partner happy. You owe it to yourself to be your authentic self and let go of anyone who doesn’t see your worth.
Don’t Forget About Your Friends
Getting caught up in a new relationship and finding yourself wanting to spend all your time with your partner is normal, but not necessarily a good idea. College friends usually turn into lifelong friends, don’t miss out on them because you spent all your time catering to your relationship. That doesn’t mean to never spend time with your partner, but to find a healthy balance. You don’t want to neglect your friends, after all, they’re the ones who will be there for you if things don’t work out with your partner.
Properly Vet Your Potential Partner
Before you decide to date someone on campus you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. Looking at their socials, finding out who’s in their friend group, and seeing what organizations they’re a part of are just some ways to vet your potential partner. You don’t always have to “stalk” your potential partner on social media to properly vet them, sometimes just asking around about them is enough. It’s all about doing your research and paying attention to red flags.
Date Off-Campus
In college, it happens far too often that you meet someone and think you’ve found the one, just to find out that your roommate is in the exact situation with the same person. Listen, college may seem big but the dating pool is surprisingly small. The chances of talking to someone whose been involved with a friend or acquaintance are very high.
Thankfully, dating in college doesn’t mean you have to date someone on your own campus. Dating off-campus at one of your neighboring colleges expands your options and might enhance your college experience.
It’s Okay to Stay Single
Lastly, it’s perfectly okay not to date in college. Being single is fun! Less drama, and more time to think and focus on yourself, your friends, and your studies. If you feel like you’re missing out on something or college dating life isn’t what you imagined it would be, know that you have your whole life ahead of you. Not everyone meets their soulmate in college and that’s okay, there’ll be plenty more opportunities to date and find love after you graduate. As long as you’re happy and living on your own terms who needs a relationship?
