Literally, I am sick to my stomach. Events that have transpired seem very apocalyptic. Everyone please get right with Jesus. I don’t know why we (my we=black people) are trying to rationalize with the devil anyway. The world IS his, as worldly things ARE of him.

So now, we have heard the announcement and the sentencing or lack thereof, of Darren Wilson. We turn on the television and the situation surrounding our brother Michael’s unfortunate passing is the topic on every channel. I feel like speeches.. hearings..& news appearances are done “for good measure”..they remind us and show the world that we are conscious but intelligence contained in brown skin has never been openly welcomed or favorable. Though, with a smile, I type: out of every race/gender pairing, African-American women have the most degrees.

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I feel I have a  p e r f e c t home for me when The Lord calls me home. One where everything is just and bountiful. THE ONLY PLACE WHERE THINGS ARE COMPLETE, COMPLETELY JUST, AND BOUNTIFUL. I am not about to WASTE my time enlightening “the majority” on why they should or should not do certain things..not more than the dutiful promotion of the gospel that God loves from one human to the next anyways.

The issues at hand, our issues, are not on our hearts to be taken to the Hill or a big, fancy meeting, these are issues to be taken to The Lord, the one who cares.

Moments like this (because there have sadly been many) remind me of the strong faith of my grandmothers. One would say: “Babygirl remember which judge has more power.” Then ask me, “who is actually The judge and which is the man-appointed place holder somewhere deciding fates in our subrogated nation?” Mister or Miss, Supreme Court justice, know that your gavel burns as you do. The other would say something like “Let us not have the audacity to ask God why, but the faith to be answered.”

My soul, heart, head, eyes, ears, and entire being do ache for Mike Browns family, every  single black person. (& remember, per God, white people fall within the scope of family)

We have put our efforts into making the world our audience, rallying and walking and demonstrating our sentiments. If those we are making pleas to–the courts, government, law makers and officials–were to answer and things were “fair” and if somewhere there was a WHITE man going to jail for 23 years for killing a Police K-9, and if Malcolm and Martin and Rosa were still breathing and affecting change..the reality is..better yet, the spirituality is..ultimately this would lead to an earthly advancement; something I have never really been too focused on. What happens on Earth does not last forever. No amount of insurance or influence will change that.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience not human beings having a spiritual experience. Feed your spirit and not your human. (S)He is a beast!

It’s like being the cute popular kid in Pre-K; you will grow up and you can still be deemed the pee-pee kid, “a total loser”, booger eater, or something undersirable. Nobody is going to care that your baby picture is cute or that the Instagram account your momma ran during your toddler days had 17,356 likes in the first 2 minutes. I use this Pre-K example & make light just for this example because making heavy usually makes rage…opposite of my intent. Know that my intellect processes the magnitude of the situation at hand.

Speaking of school, notice that a teacher won’t give a kindergartener a 6th grade test and if the elementary school teacher has got the hang of it, I am quite sure The Lord is aware of the manner in which he teaches and tests His people. Earth is Pre-K, a place to have our human experience. I sometimes feel that we can be so caught up trying to color in the lines of this world that we don’t see the bigger picture, we do not lift our head. (Or bow it enough)

My eyes are on the end goal. All three. The only end I want to know. I love black people and I despise the way we are treated however I understand that perfect things are not found on earth. Perfection is in heaven and instead of working to perfect and change the world we live in (the place that God told us would be ratchet, wretched, and do everything but live up to His potential), everyone ought to serve God and work to get to where Our Father specifically told us is the ONLY place things like justice and equality are not to be fought for and the ONLY place where our hearts can ever truly be at rest. (The meaning of Rest In Peace, R.I.P. sound familiar?)

He is the only way. He wasn’t always, but then he granted us the miracle of a second chance through Jesus who has been the only Rosa, Martin, Sojourner, Harriet, or Malcolm we have ever DEPENDED on.

…..I say all this to say, do not get it twisted, I’m numb and pissed and I’m glad I am almost done writing so I can take this issue to God for peace because my soul is definitely not at rest in this moment, but, rather than all of the the reality checks being tossed around with facts and clever pictures and statistics..we all simply need a spiritual one.

Michael, I love you and I pray your death is not in vain.

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